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Hi mommyyyy

Gosh today was so hard, im currently crying its 10:30pm, im doing language study and trying to prepare for this missionary prep class that were teaching tomorrow! Gosh im so stressed lately! I cant eat, I cant sleep! Im so you!! So many people are depending on me and ah I love it but at the same time, so much pressure! Like ik even if I do bad, things are going to be okay but like I dont want to let anybody down! Not even just with tomorrow class, the video I posted yesterday stressed me out, just because it was another thing on my list I had to do! like president puts a lot of pressure on me to train and be good companion to my companion when its really hard sometimes as well as being stl, lots of sisters depend on me to give them good advice (which I actually have a cool expierence with this ill tell you on pday) but and then stake Corrilation is coming up, I really really dont like those! I have to give a Training in zone conference in front of the whole mission and speak cantonese in from of my peers which really scares me BC everybody thinks im so good but im just not and i wish I studied harder but gosh its so hard! Bishop also wants us to go to the ward council thing and talk about how we can make a better sacrament Meeting experience for our friends and members! That means speaking about my own ideas in chinese in front of a bunch of bundeih!! Its also hard because a lot of times I feel like all the pressure is on ME when it comes to the ward just because ive been here longer and actually know whats going on over my companion! I MISS RIDING IN THE BACK SEAT WITH PANG PANG Im also stressed about getting into byuhawaii because we havent started yet and im worried about my future because its creeping up way too fast and i dont like it right now! We just had ward Corrilation which actually went really well and i was stressed for nothing (which always happens when I get really stressed for things but I pray before and then boom) Somebody on the phone today told me they couldnt understand my cantonese so that was so sad and ah I just try so hard to speak but like 1/15 people cant understand what I say! Ah and i just am really feeling the stress of finding new friends, which weve been doing really well recently, but I know we can do better! All in all, im really stressed right now, and like I know im going to get through it but I really dont want to let anybody down and want to give everyone all ive got, and want to make God proud in everything I do! I tell all our friends that Heveanly Father really appreciates effort, no matter the result, but why can i believe it right now for myself? Ahh gosh this is so hard, but I know Heavenly Father is mindful of me and my different stressors and i thought I was prayerful before, but maybe im supposed to turn even MORE unto him in prayer for help and comfort!!! I really am loving my mission and i know im only getting stronger and growing because of these experience! As I remember this everyday, it really does motivate me to keep going and what a special opportunity this is! 

Anyways, thanks for listening, im just really going through it this week and next! I know you guys do prayer for me, thank you, I really do feel all the love and support from home, right now is just one of those hard points in my mission that will pass soon, as I rely on Jesus Christ for strength! 

Love you mom and Dad!

Sister Clanton